Last time I checked-in was in college, now I'm working. It's a different world, with different people. It's kinda weird, same names, same friends, but something's different.

It's weird the last post i was not in any relationship, and now, 1 month before writing this, i was out of an almost 3 year one. Its kinda weird, same problem, same environment, but something's different.

Maybe there are a lot of things i should not be worried about, now I'm stressed because of work, but I need this..

if he comes knocking on your door
would you bother to look who it is?
would you ask him why he's here?

or just let him be

and never find out

that he has been outside
with the rain pouring hard
the winds blowing cold
and you couldn't see his tears
and you couldn't see his tears

he didn't choose to knock on your door,
its just the closest he could find
its the closest he could find

and he loved you,
because you looked to ask who it is
and he loved you
for he felt warmth from inside your door
when you opened for a few seconds
and he loved you
for being the shelter from the storm

for even a few seconds, he started to love
for even a few seconds, he fell for you
but he knew that he had to leave
and he knew you were just being kind

and just as you closed the door
tears fell from his eyes
and you never knew
because it was raining outside

so to cut some shit short, I stopped posting for a while because multiply was cross-posting things from here to there and there to here. . and thats REALLY REALLY BAD, so I figured out to turn it off after a long time and im back to posting. .


It's currently midterms of the 2nd term outta 3terms of the school year in my college calendar. Technically I have spent 1 year in my "new" college and. . . I was supposed to drop the "new" label on it.. BUT I do still feel like a new student, even though i have friends in school it's still not the same as "friends". . . well my "friends" are in dlsu-m and I haven't found their counterpart in CSB. . .

Fortunately this term I think I found one, yes only one, and I am happy I found a friend like her I can bug everyday. . haha, she doesn't even know we're close, she doesn't know how thankful I am. . I hope she'll still be there until. . . . . . .

: Dude kumusta?

: e2 okay lang

: Musta na kayo ni "ano"?

: Forget about him, he's an ASS

: wow, good for you!

:?

:Don't you know how rare it is to find an ASS outside the zoo?!

: Lmao nice one

*end, for now*

: shet, alam mo naiinis nanamn ako dun sa aso namin!

: bakit?!

: ehh kase kanina nasa kwarto kami ng nanay ko at ng tita ko, sabay nginangat nya ung
bag ko na nakalagay sa sahig!

: anung ginawa mo?

: Sinigawan ko ugn aso "HOY ANU BA NAMAN YANG ASONG YAN!" tapos
nagulat ungtita ko! Dahil dun nagalit nanay ko sa akin!

: Sabi ng nanay ko "bakit mo naman kase nilagay yang bag mo sa sahig!". Sabi ko
namansa kanya "DUH, simula nung namulat ako sa mundong ito lagi na lang
nakalagay yang bag ko sa sahig, yang asong yan 2 months pa lang dito sa bahay"

: tapos anu nangyari?

: naiinis ako dun sa asong yan! lagi na lang tama! kesho daw aso lang cya! dapat
pagbigyan! Mas importante pa yang asong yan kaysa sa akin! gusto ko na ngang
adobohin yang aso na yan ehh!!

: hahaha gago ka talaga!

: naisip ko tuloy, pag patay ka na sa langit kausap ka ni san pedro tapos sasabihin
niya sayo pinatay mo ung aso!

: whahahahahhahahahahahahahaa

: sasagutin ko siya!

: "Pati ba naman sa langit mas importante pa yang asong yan kaysa sa akin!" !)*#!)@*!

: wahahahahahahaha

*end, for now*

This afternoon, I was utterly pissed at one of my professors for giving me a grade lower than the grade I expected to have. After calculatig all my efforts, perfect attendance, and complete assignments, I was given a SATISFACTORY mark. So being the grade grub that I have become since I transferred school. I checked my professor's records (1 week after my professor finalized his midterm records) and learned that I (me,myself and no one else) have forgotten (unless I was stupid) to submit a SEATWORK (something you do only if you are both mentally and physically present in class).

"Oh noes, the agony of missing a seatwork it's such a pain in the ass"

I WOULD have said that if I really missed it. . .

BUT

The funny thing was I had PERFECT ATTENDANCE and my two seatmates to whom I never came to class without, had (meaning they submitted and even got a 100 mark) that effin seatwork. "WHAT THE F*CK?!" I said silently to myself. I firmly said to my proffesor "Sir, I was never absent in your class? How come?" and he couldn't give an explanation. After a few minutes of thinking and trying to figure-out what the hell was happening, he said that he'd check his files at home and "IT WOULD BE THERE" if I submitted it.

So when I got back home, I checked my files and it was not there. (Every paper I do in school is well organized in 2 long envelopes, one for every recorded activity in school and one for EVERY SCRATCH PAPER I USE IN SCHOOL). I never throw away anything I use in school whether its useless or trash. I throw them away after course cards in case these things happen. SOOOOO. . Its not here that means I did not FORGET to submit that seatwork that day.

I will really be so freaking pissed at him IF he DOES NOT find my paper. I will really complain and will fight to the legal limits of my powers and will prove that I did pass that paper.

JUSTICE FOR CHARLES!!

*I read this post after I wrote it, I have become an effin grade whore so I am sorry to those people I grade whored, while grade whoring * peace. . .

having been in some awfully noisy concerts where its hot and your moving around just to spot someone you know. This has, by far, been one of the best concerts I have ever experienced. The view was great from every spot because everyone was sitting down. The music was spectacular, the crowd was a "behaved" enough that I can hear every strum and sound of the instruments and off course the song itself. It was a great relaxing experience.

For most of the "Themed concerts" I have been in, this is the ONLY successful one I have been in. The fact that everyone was relaxed and was well seated was a great atmosphere for learning and for listening.

It was a fun night, thanks to my barkada.
Another successful night out. :D
__________________________________________________________________

And what did I learn last night?

Being Proud as a Filipino is one of them and you should be proud of what you do.
The "just" mentality we have in our generation will sooner or later take its toll on our everyday life and of what other nations think of us.

For example I say. .

I'm just a teenager/kid
I'm just a student

then I also say

He's just a DH
He's just a Janitor
He's just a maid

which gives me enough reason to say. .

I'm just a Filipino.

BUT

You are a Filipino and its reason enough that YOU are one for all of us to be proud.

Speak your mind, I forgot who said it but it was one of the things I learned from the show. This is by far one of the hardest things we can learn in this life. Finding ways to express oneself is by far one of the most important things in life, it is who you are and it is what will shape you and the people around you.

As the show suggested, there are a lot of ways to express oneself and clearly there is a best way to do so, we just have to find out what that is and people will listen.

As one of my friends said, change must come from within.

And off course with the help of your very supportive barkada and very delicious food, starting change is really possible, from within our small groups we can be aware spread the awareness to other groups.

It's such a blessing to be young, lets not waste it :D

T: TAE

C: ka

T: GRRRRRRRRRR

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T: GAJGAGJAJGA

T: GAJGAJGAMGAGW

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C: BE

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C: YB

C: EBYBE

C: BYE

And yet we understand each other *hurrah*

And this is Ironic
to see you after all these years
and stare blankly at your face

But you couldn't see me
even if I was talking to you
you couldn't recognize me
even if I was smiling at you

you never asked my name again,
and I never did ask you either
and you didn't know that we knew each other before. .
but I knew, and I know. .

Father time has a lot of ways to help us move on
and yet you moved too fast
or could it be that i was nothing from the beginning
not even worth remembering

G: i'm hopeless.

B: because?

G: i don't know.

G: im not as pretty?

G: as any other girl?

G: fuck

G: im not.

B: well dude

B: your not any other girl. .

G: kahit na.

B: awww dont feel bad. .

G: i don't have much.

B: take me for example. . .

B: di pa ako ngkaka gf

B: and if your fat so what am I?

B: and if your ugly then what am I?

B: lol

B: so be beautiful. . so I can be

"And how I wish you would turn and look at me one last time, every time we part"

And you begin to fall into something you know you cant get out
And so many have fallen into this path, and so many of them has seen the signs.

"its dangerous, turn back"

what is danger anyway? what's the point of turning back?
Could they think of these things when they are in front of something inevitable?
The risk outweighs the reward, the other side outshines the failure.

And it is with this belief that many have tried, and no one has failed for trying.
but no one has ever come back, telling stories on how they did.
because maybe, no one is supposed to know.
No one is suppose to know their limit.
No one must define their limit.
No one must be dictated by the signs.

And yet it is human instinct to believe that everything we do has its given effects
and yet we still pursue, even though its clearly impossible. . .
what is impossible? is it even possible to define what is not possible?
what can we do and what can't we do?
the burden of free will is entrusted to us to enjoy.


We are human beings, we are born to try against free will and we are born to embrace it.
Whether or not it makes sense or completely does not. . its the way life goes.

What do I really want? I guess it was not you.. >:) NOW. . >:)

she was the problem but she
was the reason I live
in this life I know

for the reason
she'll always drive me
on the edge of everything
that goes on and on
and on and on
and on and on

it will never end. .


and she comes back at me
with all these
questions about life
and how the thieves
stole it from her
from the moment
she arrived
from this cold lonely night
and she said to me
give me a reason

to live


but I stand beside her
even though she might sound odd
these things She says about her
I understand quite a bit
and everytime I try
to hear the words she cries
I look into her eyes
and see through those smiles

she lives

It's the start of a new week and school starts in about 7 hours. I didn't want to go to school, I wanted to stay in bed and cherish this moment when there is no one at home.

In a way I know It's almost impossible to understand her, it's almost impossible to find a way to make her smile everyday, maybe not for me at least.

I'm not giving up, For all of my life I have always given up on things.

This time I won't. . This time I wont.



This was last year. . and yet it was like yesterday. . :(

The Lie has been told
I can see it from your eyes
you never understood what I meant
You always told the truth to someone else

The Lie has been told
So cut my wrist so no one would know
That my heart is yours
And it beats for you

I keep on telling you
but its a lie you have to understand
and you don't understand

Turn and turn and turn it around
read it backwards on the ground
for what its worth I should have told you
straight from the lie i come to you

So I'm sad and no one really cares because it's just me. No one really damn cares if I'm sad today, because nobody cares. I guess I purposely repeated that because thats the only way it will make sense. I guess you cant really expect anything for people and I've lost all hope for humanity. I guess I've written "I guess" a couple of times because that's what I can only hope to do. I've said "Hope" two times before this sentence because that's the only thing I want right now.



Hope is supposed to be a positive word. It's a damn cliche for positive thoughts.

So I guess I have to prove them wrong. I THINK hope means something negative

When your down to your last few hours, you can only hope you hadn't made the choices you did leading up to where you are now.

When every thing's falling apart, you can only hope for the best.

desperation, I tell you. .

and yet I want it, I want a lot, maybe I'm desperate enough to want it. . .

Moving on. . .

And so what happened today?

Yes its me thinking about how much I love someone that doesn't even care. I'm thinking back when I had a chance to choose. Now I'm asking if I did the right decision, and yeah I did.

She pushed me to the limit, do the things I only dreamed of doing. Feel the things I never thought was possible. It's sad, I might never be with her but she has taught me a lot. . Too love without asking for anything in return, pushing the limits of what I can do, and damn I am happy that I can make her smile.

I was never was the "you get experience" type of guy, I always wanted something in the end but with her I just do what I do and I'm happy.

I'm talking too much . .
Someone might actually understand me. . ><
So I guess I'm gonna stop. .

If you can hear me. .
always remember. .
be honest with me
If your not happy. .
tell me
and I'll stop
and be happy that you did
So please. .
If you can hear me. .
tell me. .
now. .

Ugly duckling, Ugly duckling
Wondering how the world would be
Through the eyes of someone more fortunate
He wanted to see

They say your beautiful, and "inside" is their excuse
They just cant tell you the real truth
Oh ugly duckling all of this is a lie
Turn your head down and cry

ohh ugly duckling tell me who you are
tell me what you see through your eyes
In this world where beautiful depends on their side
you are just a victim of what came to rise
A sinister mind
A sinister mind

I leave footprints in the sand
as heavy as they might be
I knew they came from me
I made a path so i can see
where i came from and where I want to be
As I look back I see the waves crash down
My footprints are gone like the waves that swallowed them
And It is funny, how something we cannot control
helps us move on and look ahead
it covers our tracks and pretend it was never there
Maybe we played too close to the shore?
maybe we did. .

Ive been living for a couple of weeks now, staring blankly up my ceiling and its painstakingly sad to know that I cannot turn my head to another direction and find an empty space beside me. It's not stress which I always tell everyone, its loneliness that grips me, so tight that it hurts telling me to find that missing piece. .

I'm feeling empty but I'm trying not too. . but I know I found a piece. . i knew i found it. .

And it all stared this morning, while in my Manalog (management logic class) we started discussing about signs and shit like that. . So i could remember our self proclaimed god-like professor saying that if you give people signs its giving him/her the right to an assumption. .

DOES IT WORK THAT WAY?


I've been trying really hard not to assume or expect form anything or anyone. . but hearing this from a semi credible and logical source. . my weakly glued walls were broken down to pieces. .

DOES IT WORK THAT WAY?

I really cant forget his words. . "giving the other party "sign-like" actions gives the other party the right to assume" . . Oh my is it even right to quote inside a quotation?!. . clearly I'm confused. .

DOES IT WORK THAT WAY?

I was in the school bookstore before this class of mine. . and this newspaper was right in front of me. . its like telling me to buy it. .but i didn't . . i just read the first page and went to my next class. . something in me said that i should buy it but I didn't. . only to find out that we were required to bring one for my next class . . *Ughh* *@)!@#** for crying out loud. . maybe its a sign?

DOES IT WORK THAT WAY?


So i was about to go home. . and I went in front of my old school to get a cab . .then i saw this friend of mine and asked me if was was going inside. . I politely replied that i was going home and so I did. . only to wish after 30 minutes that I had visited. . maybe its a sign?


DOES IT WORK THAT WAY?


I'm trying so hard to get myself together for the past couple of weeks. . Ive been struggling with myself. . I'm sure everyone is familiar with this statement

"Hinde pwede pero pinipilit"

People often want whats not good for them. I dunno how to prove it but I know people do. .
but what if you think there is a chance that its possible? and your somewhat given the freakin SIGNS? awwww. . im confused . .

DOES IT WORK THAT WAY?


NOW. . I guess it does. .

Well, for quite sometime i've been wondering what to write in this blog . it seems like its always a jagged poem that even I cant understand anymore. . so i guess. . i have to think deep, find an inspiration, look around and maybe ill write something better from now on . . Sometimes life doesn't want you to see, it doesn't want you to hear or taste,touch or smell it. . but actually life is just playing with you. . he just wants you to try. . :D and so it begins :D

Hindi mapapakaila, marami nang nangyari
marami pang nangyayari
sa ating dalawa
ito lang ang umpisa
ng isang magandang pagkakaibigan
isang magandang pagsasamahan
isang magandang pagkakaibigan

ngunit bakit
mukang iba ang hinahanap natin
iba ang sinasabi ng damdamin
iba ang nais na mangyari

pwede ba?
pwede ba?
pwede ba?
Itanong sa iyo kung tayoy pwede ba?

At pagkatapos nang lahat
kung sakaling hindi man ikaw pumayag
andito lang naman ako.

Maghihintay sayo. .

Minsan hindi naman dapat pilitin
Ngunit minsan hindi rin naman dapat bumitiw
Sa isang pangarap
Sa isang pangarap

Where am I now?
I dont know where to go
I dont know what to do
The truth hurts
and it does in the hardest of ways
tearing my heart apart
shattered into pieces
but after this turmoil
after this nonsense
I still stand
I'm still alive
kneeling looking down at my poor heart
desperate to get the pieces back together

Well its all my fault, or was it?
Is it a sin to love someone?
Is it a sin to care for someone?

I have been with her for quite some time now
I've been peeping through this small hole in her roof at night
Making sure that she sleeps tight
making sure she's alright
I care for her and I'd do anything
I love her and I'd be anything
If only she'd just let me be something

No matter how hard I try, Im just a victim of this circumstance
I'm always a frend who answers her need, yet no one anwers mine
Could it be? I cannot see? this one way train thats never going to stop?

*to be continued*

should have said

These things left in my head

Things I feel I should’ve been real

Could you see me dying?
Can't you hear my heart crying?

Can I see you tonight?...
and see the truth that lies inside
Can I be with you tonight?...
and find in you my love...
My life

So I ask why?
These things happen all the time?
Coz I cannot find..
Answers are missing in my mind

Could you hear me breathing?
Could you hear my heart beating?

Can I see you tonight...
and see the truth that lies inside
Can I be with you tonight...
and find in you my love...
My life

Can I see you tonight...
and see the truth that lies inside
Can I be with you tonight...
and find in you my love...
My life...
My life...

You are my life
Can't you see that I love you..
Can't you see that your everything to me..

If you'd be with me tonight ...
Will stars will fall in the deep blue sky?..

I know ive posted this a long time ago. . but i cant find it. . anyways.. its here :D. . these words are old but they have meaning :D

Once I tried t count the stars
Once I tried to take them all
Its possible, isnt it?
its probable isnt it?

Are my dreams too high
That this ladder of mine cant even lift me from the ground
Or is it just impossible?
They aren't probable.

xsadx

Get some change from your pockets
Were buying a ticket
were going home
were going home

Hurry up and come with me
I can hear the train coming
We might miss it
we might miss it

As you stood next to me
i can only hold you tight
and look after you through this train ride
were safe here
were safe here

and as the people left the train
And we were left alone
Ill still hold you tight
we are here now
we are here now

Though it might be destiny for us to be,
in this train ride made for you and me
We still hope to find each other at the end of the road
And I hope to find you wherever you may go
I hope you find me wherever you may go
wherever we may go

and as the train stopped
I realized it was time to leave,
I didnt want to let you go
I didnt want to let you go

even for a moment
this short moment
I wanted you to know
That I love you
I wanted you to know
That Ill miss you
I wanted you to know
That ill do anything for you
anything for you

As I was walking farther away
I was looking back at your train
And I remembered I held you tight
Through that train ride
We got through that ride

I hope you arrive home soon
I hope you find your way
And Ill go with you again
And Ill go with you again

Sometimes people just cant appreciate things you do for them,
Or they just don't know how to express it. .
Sometimes some people don't care,
Or they just don't know how to show you. .
Sometimes some people take you for granted,
Or they just don't know that they did. .
Sometimes some people don't want to expect,
Or they are just playing it safe. .
Sometimes some people don't open up
Or they are just don't trust people. .
Sometimes some people wait,
Or they are just afraid to move. .

BUT I'm still hopeful. .

Someday, I wish, I could be a part of you.

I wish I could understand you, understand that not everything in this world is what we want, but what we need. Understand that we do not learn to look for love, but learn that love looks for us even in the simplest of ways. Understand how you breathe, how long it takes for you to breathe in and how long it takes for you to breathe out, with every second in mind.

I wish you could smile everyday, in turn brighten up my day, seeing you happy makes me happy. Forgive me for trying so hard.

i know your tired
I know that you need more sleep
I know that your up this late
still thinking so deep

It seems that he's the lucky one?
Tucked in his bed sound asleep
And your still up this late
I hope your doing okay. .

I can see it in your eyes
I can feel your tired smile
you cant hide it
you cant deny it

So take some sleep now
And hope that tomorrow will take it away
and take some sleep now
let your sleep take everything away.
and take some sleep now
you know you need it

Are you tired of the same night
you never wanted to see the light
And think that you cant do anything right
and waste tomorrow
don't waste tomorrow

I can see it in your eyes
I can feel your tired smile
you cant hide it
you cant deny it

So take some sleep now
And hope that tomorrow will take it away
and take some sleep now
And hope to see a new day
and take some sleep now
you know you need it


Dry those tears in your eyes
learn to let go of the pain inside
and take some sleep now
ill sing you goodnight. .
ill sing you goodnight
ill sing you goodnight

ooohhh. .

The world gets in your way
You stand down and take another path
The world might seem cruel for now
But it took its toll on you

You dont trust anyone and anything you see
You dont feel any remorse or whatever it may be
you only trust in yourself
you only learn inside yourself

But in your moment of weakness
your true weakness
your as fragile as glass
please dont break on me tonight

Fall asleep in my arms
And know that you will be safe for a moment
ill keep you warm from the cold night
ill hold you tight

Ill hold your hand, I'll hold it long enough for you
feel that I'll be there for you
As I hear your heartbeat close to mine
As you sleep inside these cold arms of mine

Dont mind me, I'm just fine
Please be okay that's all I ask
Please feel okay thats all I want you to do

werd

Even happy people have their sad moments :D I guess this is mine . .

I feel that I'm taken for granted. . especially by. . . you know who you are. .THINK for crying out loud. . .

This is just one of those days you hafta hate for some reason.
So lets have a recap

*I Woke up at 9am because it was hot. Someone turned-off the AC. This really started my day O_o.

* Then argued with my mom, as always.

*Then got to school late, effin traffic

*Then, someone told me I had to attend a "make-up class" on top of my enrollment time. geez

*Then I scored low on my long exam. wth

*Made the wrong enrollment schedule. wth again

*Got a cab home spent 100php on it then my dad was right behind the cab I was in. . I should have effin called.

*Still havent figured out enrollment schedule, O_o

*Didn't eat dinner, because there was none. . . .

*Got pissed-off a game. . GEEZ

damn . . but at least there were some people who made my day right. . at least. . *pissed*

Its still not my worst day ever. .

Its my break now, and I dont have anything to do. . So it just makes me think of what will happen tonight. . I'm really nervous, the whole band is, and we still haven't figured out how to win, but we know how to have fun. So I guess that just sums it up :p were not in this competition for the prize, nor the glory, nor the fame. . but were here for each other and for the experience.. Surely if you ask me, those late night practices gave me more than what I asked for and taught me more than I should know. . *sigh* SO I guess I hafta attend one more class, wait 3 hours, do the dry run, then wait again then play our routine at about 7:45pm?! yea its late :D its long, its a painstaking 8 hour wait, but its worth it, every single secon, every damn minute, every long hour. . *sigh*

Put your gear on and cover your tracks
Someones coming after you fast
Better not run better not hide
He will catch up in the twilight

What can you do?
How do you feel?
Did desperation kick in
I hope you find the answer within

I hope you don't run
I hope you don't speak
I hope you find your way
and don't listen to me

For its not through running you can find
The answers written inside your mind
and if its life you seek, its life you should keep
For it is all that matter, what matters we seek

Its is not enough that we live and die
Don't find the answers and wonder why
Just lie dead on the road ahead
And give up on life, when you cut the thread


~werd~ O_o

We take some time to stroll
down this walk we go
as we hold each others hand
beneath the tree and we know
every word will grow
I hope we can stay

Its still not love we feel
yet its love they see
Its still not love we have
but its love we want

Its those late night starry times
when we are alone
as we hold each others hand
The sweetest things we do,
the smiles we dont talk about
deep inside we say it loud

Its still not love we feel,
yet its love they see
Its still not love we have,
but its love we seek

My worst fears are in me
lurking, lingering inside my soul
I tremble in fear as I see them come near
Someone please save me from my fear

They hide under my bed,
hearing every step
feeling every breathe

Behind my closet they lie
with evil in their eyes
wanting only the worst in me
Someone please save me

If anyone can hear
If anyone can see
Someone please save me

had to make a post on this. . This movie is Effin good. . you'll never see a movie as bad ass as this one hands down . . :D

its Fifteen past Six-thirty and its starting to get dark
It looks late enough for us to part
I guess I wanted you to stay
I guess I wanted you to say. . .

Beyond that afternoon mark
It looks late enough for us to part
I guess its just this way
And I guess I wanted you to say

That you don't want to leave
You don't want to go
You just want to stay beside that window
Hoping, wishing waiting
That its me knocking on your door

But I guess it doesn't go that what
And I guess I just wanted you to say. . .

That you'll love me everyday

Thanks to a certain friend I now know what "TAG" is. . . So. . ima gonna add a tagboard one of these days >< lol . .

My friend wanted to buy a boat, I asked why? but he just didn't answer and instead replied, I wan the biggest boat thats available, we searched and searched and finally found "the boat".
(I remembered that I owned that boat once from one of my pas dreams but didn't quite remember it up until now. It was really strange and up until now its creeping me out.)

After he bought the boat, we took a ride in it, then after a few hours, a large storm crossed our path, the captain ordered me to close all the doors and windows so the water wont get in. So I rushed downstairs and quickly closed them all.
(This was also a similar episode in one of my past dreams. . its really creeping me out)

At last we passed the storm, the sky was bright blue and the ocean bluer, then we docked on a small island with a very long docking platform. I managed to get across and once i stepped onto the island, I was surprised I was wearing medieval armor with a red cape and holding my helm. I was in a medieval town, it was quiet, no one was around except for one woman(I didn't know who) who was staring at me, and I was staring at her. She asked for food but I didn't have any. Then I went back to the ship. When I approached the docks, the solid wood platforms turned unstable much like the platforms of a hanging bridge. I knew it was dangerous but I wanted to run toward the ship, and so I did. In the middle of the dock I fell and was hanging for my dear life.

*Sigh*

I cant remember anything after that. Could it mean anything? Could it be a sign?
Could it be something I was keeping in this whole time?

I wish I knew why. .

From a postcard we saw last night,
Paris, a perfect sight
How we wished we were there

And if we travel in twilight
Ill be your shining knight
It will be alright.

when you smile at me, are you're saying that you'll take me?
and when you look at me, are you saying that you'll be. .

My Love
hold your ground
Don't fall behind
It might take forever
but well get there

And if you fall
I'm there to catch your
falling star

The sky was blue and bright,
We were alone tonight
How I wished this would last forever

when you smile at me, are you're saying that you'll take me?
and when you look at me, are you saying that you'll be. .

My Love
hold your ground
Don't fall behind
It might take forever
but well get there

And if you fall
I'm there to catch your
falling star

Its not easy as it may seem
do the things that we dreamed

But I wont give up,
Cos it's not over
we still have forever to make it all come. .

My Love
hold your ground
Don't fall behind
It might take forever
but well get there

And if you fall
Im there to catch your
falling star

It might seem weird, it might seem strange but something as simple as a pen and a piece of paper can get you out of this jagged saw blade that is life.

"Write it all down I say, never hold back I suppose, please don't keep it in, I beg of you"


When you've finish writing it all down, take some time and read them again, laugh yourself till it hurts and keep quiet when you read "those" parts. In the end, its all just like your everyday lesson you forget every now and then. Its a piece of paper with some scribbles on it, you can throw it all away, or stick it in your head so everybody can see.

You can choose, I chose not too. .

ima back. . tis google account is a pain in the . . .

I was young, maybe 5 or 8, I couldnt remember how old but I can still remember my dream clearly. .

I was riding a flying carpet and I had my princess by my side, we had so much fun and we were so happy.. Over the mountains, over the sea, over the araibian city where we lived, it reminded me so much of Aladdin. Alas the carpet stopped in front of a small clothing store. The store was overflowing with clothes that my princess got curious and went inside. . . There it started, the very long game of Hide and Go-Chase. . haha . .Well we were running around playin around the store, beneath the clothing racks, inside closets, over piles of shirts and pants and at the very peak of it, I tripped and landed on my bottom. . My princess stopped and looked back, came close with worry and helped me . . after that, she got even closer. .

AND. .

I woke up!! :D

God knows what happend next :D. .

But. . the weird thing is, I was so young, I was innocent, and I didnt know that girl. . She was sweet, and kind, and fun .. well I'm surprised I remembered a lot of it. . I get goosebumps whenever I remember it ><

I was browsing through my old blog and found this. . . Well, I remember when I wrote it. . :D awww. . <3

I wished for the rain
but I didn't mean to ruin everybody's day
I just wanted some things to be the same
That's why I wished for the rain

But nothing changed
It didn't take away my pain
Instead, I was left here
drenched in the rain
knowing my life would never be the same

but I'm the one who wished for the rain
not you,
not her,
not him,
and I didn't mean to ruin everybody's day
I just wanted someone to stay
And all I got is this rain

someday my friend,
my heart will mend
and I'll find someone
wishing this rain will end
So I'll just sit by the window sill
and wait for the rain to lie still
and maybe someday, somehow
someone will know
How I wished for the rain

I feel I could write something. . but. . Its on the tip of my tongue. . :(

listening to. . Copeland - California

Prolly this is how i feel like now. . Yeah too stereotypical, yeah might be to cynical .. but . . I guess we have to be like that sometimes in order to feel that we are humans. . we get hurt. . we bleed. . we learn .

Evey strumm, every riff. . is perfectly put into place. . every emotion, every action is beautifully carried out . . *I'm getting too emotional. . O_o *

I saw a sailboat on TV and I said
Well soon sail there
I saw The ocean in a photo and I said
well soon swim there
I saw the stars up the sky and I said
well soon get there

But looking at you and I,
Will we make it there?
I mean, were just friends right?
Will we ever get there

I saw you the other day and I said
Will I ever get her?
I saw us in a picture and I said
I wish I was there
I looked beside me and I said
God. . I wish you were here

But looking at you and I,
Will we make it there?
I mean, were just friends right?
Will we ever get there

Its to early to tell
In time, well do things we wanna do
Hope for things like we wanted to
be together like we always do. .
and be just the way we want it to

If only you knew :D

This is a story of a boy knew a girl
His eyes glitter to the sight of her
He'd always hope for something better
For thier friendship growing stronger

Perhaps it was to early to tell
that thier friendship will last without farewell
or maybe it would take a turn
and find love and maybe they'll learn

Alas, One finds love, but only one did
or did the other one find it?
But the fact is, the boy is falling
So deep that he didnt even see

That he loved her so much that it hurts
When he choose between love and frendship its hard
It will surely take a toll on his heart
He got stuck in the middle, its sad
And found no reason to be glad

But the boy is cautious
He has been through a lot
He has been, torn, broken and brought to distraught
He is too scard of being lonely again
And so he fails to begin

Though this poem might not rhyme
Though it may not mean a thing
To you it may not, but to him it is something
This boy who is falling in love with a Queen, who cannot be reached
For he is only a frend, a peasant to the eyes of the rich

Just a few days ago I had this really weird dream. . well, in the end it it sorta turned out to be a nightmare . .

So the story goes like this. .

Ivan - a highschool batchmate *dont ask why, i dont know either*
Ella - a friend, sorta. . do I like her? *do I?*


As far as I could remember I was hanging out with Ivan and Ella, I couldnt remember much, but somehow we ended up in my grandma's house.Looking outside, I noticed that the weather turned for the worse and dark clouds were gathering above the sky, strong winds were blowing through, shaking the house. Well, it looked liked a storm was coming so I asked my friends if they wanted stay here for the night because it was to risky going out.

Honestly,I didnt know how we ended up hanging out, I didnt know how we ended up there, but we did, somehow we did. What i know is Ella and Ivan didnt know each other, I know they didnt, or did they?

So it was settled, we were going to spend the night in my grandmas place. I dont remember what we did there, I cant remember what happend, but what I noticed is that Ella and Ivan were quite aquainted with each other, like they knew each other before, It was weird because what I know is, I was the one who introduced them to each other. Well, I just thought to myself that maybe were just fun people and its such a great night to make friends. So we spent the night talking and bonding with each other.

We used the room that I always slept at when I was a kid, I had a lot of memories in that room. I could remember having a lot of fun sleepovers with my aunties there, a lot of embarassing moments, a lot of dirty diapers, a lot of love, patience and, you get the picture. I'm finding it ironic that we are here trying to have a good time.

Alas, it was time for bed, it was late and we were all tired, so I guess it was time to get some shut-eye. So I cuddled up in the corner where I would always sleep.

I was lying beside Ivan,I was talking to him, but I was looking at Ella "God, she looked pretty with those pink pajamas". That smile, that look, its captivating and mysterious, I cant hold myself together whenever I see her. Then she started crawling towards us, when she got closer she suddenly shifted direction and crawled towards Ivan, and when she got closed enough,

when she got close enough. .

she gave him a kisss, a warm kiss done with all intent and passion.

Seing this I was surprised,

no. .

shocked,

no...

I mean, I was. .

nervous!?. .

needless to say. .

I was . . I was. .

jealous..

I broke down in tears . . BUT, I just turned my head to the other direction and tried to sleep it through..

*sigh*

When I woke up(in my dream), I remembered what happend the night before and I was still shocked, still confused. . and sorta felt sad,but I tried to start my day right by catching some fresh air. While looking around, I saw this creature, it looked like a giant lizard, with diamond scales and green in color. it stood for about 4 feet long and had the head shape of a copperhead snake but the face of a very tame lizard. A long tail to balance its self while standing up, and a crown of green scaly skin on its neck. I looked at it with curiousity and then I just walked away.

I dont know what the creature was called, I dont know why I saw it. I dont know why. . Do you think it means something? . .

When I returned to the room, I saw Ella. She was lying on the bed with her pink pajamas. I approached her with haste and asked her why she kissed Ivan. She just replied that she knew Ivan since highschool. I was really mad and asked her again why, this time tears were running down my eyes. . . I couldnt actually remember what happend. . but I KNEW I WAS HURT. .

Then I realized that I was having a nightmare so I desperately tried to wake up to reality. . .

desperately. .

Now, here I am. . Im awake

I'm confused, i dont know what to do. . even though its a dream. . I feel that this dream is telling me something. .

Some say that dreams may be symbols of what might happen. . Some may say its something youve been thinking about all day, that it got stuck in your memory. .

The fact is. . Ella is real, I am real, its not a dream. . One of these days this nightmare will come true and I hafta face my demons. . Since that night. . everything changed. . I changed. .

Its been a while since I friggin posted something in this blog. . Thank you for taking ure time to look at it. .

Being on vacation is not such a good thing. . Ive been thinking a lot lately and ive been playing games a lot(thats why im haveing a hard time updating this blog). . I wanted to do a lot of things this break and I havent done a lot. .
I wanted to exercise (X)
I wanted to study (X)
I wanted to go to the mall (X)
I wanted to work (X)

Although i am halfway through with the 200 episodes of naruto, which I didnt want to watch at first. . and more than a thousand hours in online gaming. . yes you guessed it. .im a true blue game addict. .

Well, it isnt that bad?!. . 1000++ gaming hours? WTF!!

Things happen for a reason. . there is an explanation why i am so hooked at games. .

I have a history on online games. . Each time i get hooked that means something bad happened(3 games and 3. . . . ******* ). . yea i might be having some struggles taht I use online games as a way to escape these things. . theyr the same compared to smoking, drinking. . .

YES, it can be a bad habit. .

but I cant help it. .

Playing these games takes my trouble away... even for a few hours, its damn worth it. .
(ohh, so thats why college students love playing in the cafes, Werd). .

Cant blame us . . .
Were just trying to get by. . .

But someday I know ill get tired. . Ill find time to face the truth. . Ill find time to face my problems and all will be good. .


Maybe this game will buy me some time. .

*sigh*

I FAIL MISERABLY

Well, have you ever wondered why some unexpected things happen?, and it seems like "It's meant to be".

EXAMPLE

you felt like wearing blue today, and to your surprise you see your crush on your way to school and notice she/he is wearing blue also! Hahaha, well isn't that nice? a sorta *mushy* moment. Then you talk and compliment each others color coded clothes. . . aww

ANOTHER EXAMPLE

You jst had that "gut" feeling that you have to do this thing in this sorta palce at this specific time. To your surprise u meet someone you didnt expect.

AND ANOTHER

Your in a mall, strolling, then you find your "friend" sitting alone and seemed troubled. So you approch her/him.

These coincidences as you might call them are sorta sweet, touching, mushy or whatever but, its all based on assumption. Surely I believe in the saying

"Maraming namamatay sa akala"

So DONT ASSUME!!

BUT, from past experiences, if you dont assume you dont fo anywhere. Its like assuming is synonymous to trying. . *at least for me and my friends*

So whats the deal? Should I assume?

NO, DONT.

ASSUMPTION = EXPECTATION

EXPECTATION = STANDARDS

STANDARDS = BIASED

THEREFORE

ASSUMING = being BIASED

we should always try to look at both sides of the problem not just a stereotypical view.

Well, I THINK im not making any sense

When I walk on the corridors in our school campus, you could notice if somethings bothering me, if I walk with my shoulders down, my head looking on the ground with my lips tucked and I am moving in a moderate speed. . YEAH I am in deep crap. . but if you see me with that friggin hippie walk, chest out and with a serious look in my face. . I RULE that day. . but since I am talkng about walking and stuff like that. . Ill share a very very short story. . I remember the time when I was walking wiht my blockmates about a year ago. . We were slow, noisy and took all the lanes of the corridor. *haha* I miss those days, back then. . back then. . *sigh* . . Its just sad to remember those days, when all seemed good, and your path seems clear. . Well everything changes. . .

once I said. .

"I will never walk alone on these corridors. . "

BUT, look at me now, all dirty grimey and scorched to death, and alone

My blockmates WERE my bestbuds, yeap you heard it . . WERE. . Now I feel like I dont belong with them. . but I found a new family which I treasure the most, sadly destiny has caught up with me. .

*iguess im not really alone*

This pressure is insane

its not academic pressure but worse. .

I might look normal on the outside, but the emotional stress is insane. . DLSU was my only choice and (at that time) Engineering is my dream course, only to find out that both of them . . is just not for me. . Yeah I got what I want. . Like someone shoved it up my *ss. . I guess you hafta learn things the hardway. .

I am 100% sure, I am changing school. . Its not that I am escaping my fate but its a better decision, so why not take it?

Well its 3:20 am
I have class in 3 and a half hours
I was sad
Now I am happy
It was hard to breathe
I didnt know why
You gave me a reason to live
I hope you know why

Do you know?

I feel something
I can tell you nothing
Im afraid
Im awake
or at least trying to be

Im smiling,
I dont know why. .

*sigh*

This night is so magical
I dont know why
Is it you Im thinking of right now?

*sigh*

WERD

Last Call


I saw u standing
far from my sight
Could you remember
What happend last night?


Would you forget
the night we met
The stars where bright
for us tonight


A thousand sighs
No trace of a smile
Breaking the ties
that kept us alive
And so the last breath
caught in my mind
will you go?
and leave me behind?


Behind those bright blue eyes
I could hear the cries
Behind the truth that lies
Will you go and leave me behind?
Is it over when its over?


I take a breath
stop for a while
let it come to me in time
let it out of my head that your already dead
This pain just might kill me tonight


I wished you slept tight
late last night
so you’ll forget
what you said, coz your right
Think about it in bed if im already dead
Am I gone?
Did I leave you behind?


Behind those bright blue eyes
I could hear the cries
Behind the truth that lies
Will you go and leave me behind?
Is it over when its over?


The last thing I remembered
I was outside your door
But you didnt even bother
to open it anymore


The truth is I miss you badly
even if I said. .
I was ready. . .

from my other blog. . I posted it coz I felt that I need to post this. .

-The All-American Rejects - Move along

It started last night, i recieved a text from a friend that classes will be suspended tomorrow, so I quickly checked my Messenger and interogated poeple in my list. So I was happy *haha* time to be a bum! I tried staying up late, sadly i fell asleep early because my bed was so comfortable.

And now one of the most unforgetable days of my life...

Woke up early for driving school. Haha at last I can finally say that I CAN DRIVE! yes! haha now I only need a car.

So I think Ill write something about cars :D

Have you ever seen movies when the leading actors or actresses are alone in the car at night and the girl looks at the driver while he drives, then he looks back and they smile at each other? Then a romantic song plays in the background?

*does it make you feel warm?*

*awww*

Movies, dammit, they would always make me say "I wish" sadly I never does really come true but is it too early to say its too late? I've seen a lot of uses of cars on TV, not only as a means of transporting people, they could serve as a room or could be compared to a poece of jewelry. To this day I cant quite figure out why a lot of people specifically men fo crazy about them. Is it about speed? Is it about how much cars cost? Braging rights?

MAYBE. .

For me, its not the speed, its not the pricetag, not the pride. Its the moment i sahre with other people. I can feel the true meaning of driving or riding a car when Im in it with someone.

AND SO?

It sorta pulls me back down to earth. Points me to what I really want in life how happy I can become and maybe braging rights, thrill and other stuff can come as a sweet bonus. I am in one of the hardest but most fruitful parts of my life. Ive done things I cannot change, been in places I shouldnt be and felt some things im not even sure if i should think about them. Through life, love and the like I am trying to find myself. So whoever you are and wherever you maybe, if you happen to see me and find me looking down on the floor while walking, please talk to me and shed a few smiles, and maybe you could start my day.

Saturday 10:59pm

I took a breathe but its not enough, so I took another one, but took one deeper held it inside and then slowly let it out, with it a problem or two. I can hear my breathe, I can hear its weight. Its heavy, its. . . sad. I close my eyes and think of the time when I was happy, why it happend, the people who made it happen and where it happend. Its sad to think that time passes so fast, evey minute spent is another minute lost. We can do nothing but make every minute count. Damn, I remember someone, Its someone new, but its unsure, better not be hasty but not slow. I opened my eyes then I realized that a song was playing on the background. . . Why does it always have to be a sad song? *sigh* Its very much like life, a sad song. . Who knows the ending? Who really knows the begining? We dont know we cant understand, its beyond human comprehension. I wonder where my mind is taking me now? More so I wonder where my heart is pointing. .

Monday 12:26am

started writing last Sunday, and I just cant keep myself together. . Yet again my breath is deep, a sad mist coming out of my speechless lips. . I guess typing is sadder than talking, no sound, just your eyes looking through the screen. . *sigh* This is life in the lonely part of the world, trying to find a match out of a billion people. . trying to find a soulmate, a love, a partner, a frend. Sometimes I think its the reason why we exist. . Yea I think lowly of the human race, like the animals I think that we exist to survive, and I think surviving means finding someone. . May this be right or wrong. . its what i seem to see around me. .

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

-Anonymous

I AGREE

Im really pissed of that my browser cant open my damn blog, and I cant view what im posting here up until now.

Before, about 3 weeks ago. . .

Yea sure I was quite pleased with how my life was running, of course a bit of tumbles nd turns but im still alive and kicking.

And then. . .

Out of the blue I met someone, someone that seemed so different, so unique and I had a feeling that I have to meet her and of course know her more. Deep inside, my gut grumbles and my heart pumps, Hell ive never felt so different for a long time. As always I know where this would lead, how it would end, and I know that she's becoming a crush.

And so?!. . .

Well, weve been talking, weve been through work together, as I get to know her more and our frenship becomes deeper, I began to lose hope, then I found out more about myself. . .

I learned that. . .

I dont have the courage to fight for what i feel, I simply believe that I dont deserve that someone because she is too "high" . I always give way to other people always thinking of loosing the competition, its not my fault im thinking that way, but is it my fault why I am like this?

I was traumatized by my past experiences that it made me paranoid to everything, every detail, every dot, every gesture that someone makes and I hate it! I feel so unsafe even within my friends.

Im cant still understand people

After all this time I still am, still will be, a fool.

BUT as the song says, "Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I cant help, falling in love with you". Sounds too cliche, but thats the way the story goes. I just hope and pray that it would end up as a fairy tale, not some goosebumps story ill keep in my shelf of memories.

*Sigh*

It's too overwhelming, I just felt the need to write things here, even though its kinda "malabo", and shooting from everywhere, it reflects what I feel, yeap you guessed it. .

Hopeless and depressed. . 'Till then im out. .

Well, my Internet explorer is bugging and I cant open a whole lot of pages, Im trying my verybest to solve this problem but until then, I cant post that often. I hafta go to a local cafe to post >< So sad. . But, im making a lot of offline post's here so when my Explorer works, Ill post a lot. . pls take time to read it whoever you are. *peaceout!*