Im really pissed of that my browser cant open my damn blog, and I cant view what im posting here up until now.
Before, about 3 weeks ago. . .Yea sure I was quite pleased with how my life was running, of course a bit of tumbles nd turns but im still alive and kicking.
And then. . .Out of the blue I met someone, someone that seemed so different, so unique and I had a feeling that I have to meet her and of course know her more. Deep inside, my gut grumbles and my heart pumps, Hell ive never felt so different for a long time. As always I know where this would lead, how it would end, and I know that she's becoming a crush.
And so?!. . . Well, weve been talking, weve been through work together, as I get to know her more and our frenship becomes deeper, I began to lose hope, then I found out more about myself. . .
I learned that. . .I dont have the courage to fight for what i feel, I simply believe that I dont deserve that someone because she is too "high" . I always give way to other people always thinking of loosing the competition, its not my fault im thinking that way, but is it my fault why I am like this?
I was traumatized by my past experiences that it made me paranoid to everything, every detail, every dot, every gesture that someone makes and I hate it! I feel so unsafe even within my friends.
Im cant still understand people
After all this time I still am, still will be, a fool.
BUT as the song says, "Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I cant help, falling in love with you". Sounds too cliche, but thats the way the story goes. I just hope and pray that it would end up as a fairy tale, not some goosebumps story ill keep in my shelf of memories.
*Sigh*
It's too overwhelming, I just felt the need to write things here, even though its kinda "malabo", and shooting from everywhere, it reflects what I feel, yeap you guessed it. .
Hopeless and depressed. . 'Till then im out. .